The problem
Lucy, who is six and a half years old, has two siblings, who are five and a half and four. She is an extremely bright child, well ahead of her peers at school in her home town of Dalmuir. She is assertive and confident - and, in her parents' words, "more like a teenager than a six-year-old".

As a result Lucy was demanding constant attention and stimulation and was cheeky when instructed to do something she didn't want to do.

Her parents, especially her mother, were finding it increasingly difficult to cope with her behaviour. She was making family life stressful and unhappy, and her influence on her two younger siblings was also causing problems.

The parent doctor's plan
Firstly, DrWoolfson reassured Lucy's mother and father that they were doing far better than they thought. He told them they struck him as competent and loving parents who had real insight into their situation - both their parenting skills and their children's personalities.

Next he asked them to assess their expectations of family life. Was everything in the family schedule necessary? Were they being unrealistic given the ages of each child? He also made the observation that Lucy might have been driving things in the family, rather than her parents.

He then suggested a number of changes they could make, beginning by modifying what he saw as their "one size fits all" approach. Siblings are not all the same, and what works for one - be it punishment or reward - might not work for them all.

He also told them to stop negotiating with Lucy when she was disobedient, and to avoid "Mexican stand-offs" in which both sides waited for the other to move first.

He cautioned them not to try to enter into "rational" discussion with her - basically, not to give her reasons for behaving a certain way. Instead he advised them to be more emotional with her: for instance by telling her to put on a warm coat because they love her and want the best for her, rather than trying to make her see why it might be important for her own sake.

Dr Woolfson also said it was important that Lucy felt part of the family - but pointed out that, for her to be a part of it, she had to do what her parents said. If they spent a little more time with Lucy, they would make her feel valued: reading, making jigsaws, baking or just generally hanging out.

Finally, and perhaps most simply, he told them to change the children's bedtimes and allow Lucy to go to bed a little later than the younger two.

So what happened?
Initially, Lucy responded positively to the changes made by her parents. She happily spent time alone with them, and began to be more helpful with the younger children - including her sister, who was unwell with a form of gluten insensitivity.

Three weeks in, however, Lucy's sister recovered, sparking a change in Lucy's behaviour. She seemed to go backwards, her mother recalls, becoming cheeky and uncooperative with her parents, bossy with her siblings, and basically resentful of the positive attention her now-well sister was receiving.

Despite this, Lucy's parents stuck to Richard's advice and continued to do what he had suggested.

The parent doctor's conclusion
"This was the hardest problem to tackle because it was a pressurised situation and one that depended on so many factors," says Dr Woolfson.

"The parents needed to recognise that, in trying to keep the family routine as smooth as possible, they had lost sight of what they wanted for each child. Also, Lucy wanted to be recognised as the eldest, an individual in her own right.

"The parents needed to change the family's routine just a little - basically bedtimes - so as to treat Lucy differently.In doing so they could then ask for something back from Lucy - not a quid pro quo, but tokens of obedience or cooperation since she was being treated like the eldest child"

"Lucy's mum took risks to change the situation. Things could have got worse - but, despite the problems at the three week mark, her parents stuck to their plan and are are seeing results."

What the parents think
Family life is much better now. Lucy is less cheeky, more obedient and more cooperative. She accepts family rules and is less inclined to challenge her parents' instructions and authority. As a result her parents feel more confident.

Dr Woolfson's key tip
"No matter how clever they are, try not to be seduced into discussing an instruction with your child during their pre-teenage years, for example 'Put your wellies and raincoat on'. Understandably, you are thrilled they are intellectually capable of coherently reasoning with you - but remember they are only children. They are not adults and they need to know the rules. Do not define children by their intelligence."

Reprinted from the Herald, 24 April 2006

The problem Sandra, 16, is a promising pupil at a private school in Glasgow. She is well-liked, but can be volatile and antisocial. Her mother, Joan, became worried when - seemingly influenced by her boyfriend - she started talking about leaving her school and going to college. Joan told her firmly that she wouldn't allow it, but this only made Sandra more determined - and made their relationship worse.

The parent doctor's plan Dr Woolfson told Joan she was saying all the right things to Sandra but that teenagers are more likely to take advice from someone they perceive to be objective. Joan admitted to being a strict parent, and Dr Woolfson asked her to consider the idea that she should let her daughter make what she might consider to be mistakes. Perhaps she didn't have to lay down the law on everything.

He said a more constructive approach would be to explore options - in this instance college - together, so that Sandra learned to make important decisions for herself. He also suspected Joan wasn't actually listening to what her daughter was saying, and recommended she tried "active listening" - paying proper attention to Sandra and showing, by nodding or asking appropriate questions, that she was interested in what she was talking about.

So what happened? "The first week was great," says Joan. "I told Sandra to get a prospectus for college and she was over the moon. She was absolutely delighted, and started telling everyone she was going. But then she began looking into it properly and got wobbly. For a month it was all very uncertain - but, having said that, there weren't any tantrums during that time. She wasn't upset about school, and there was no anger or crying. "Then there was a parents' night at school and we told some of the teachers her plans, They were shocked, and a couple of them spoke to her about it. She listened to them, and I think that was the turning point. She's decided to stay at school. I think hearing it from professionals, not her parents, made a difference."

The parent doctor's conclusion "The challenge with adolescence is to allow a certain amount of independence and freedom," says Dr Woolfson. "This is a case of a mother who is not ready to let her child grow up. I was very direct with Joan, and I'm not usually, but I really felt she had no insight into what her daughter felt or wanted. After three weeks, Joan moved from being oppositional to working together with her daughter, which was a fantastic and brave step forward. "Joan said she always blurted out her opinion while Sandra was still talking, but that she learned to keep her mouth shut, which is one element of active listening. She's a caring parent, but could only see what she wanted for her daughter, and not what her daughter wants for herself."

What the parent thinks "Richard Woolfson's plan has changed my general approach to parenting," says Joan. "It's not been a five-minute fix - it's long term and really is about changing your attitude. I never thought of myself as a controlling parent, but now I think I just have to sit back. I hate it when children make the mistakes you know they're going to make, but you have to accept that they will. "I feel more relaxed now. I don't find it easy, but Richard has changed my outlook. I think active listening is crucial. Before, Sandra could sit for a whole half-hour car journey and not speak, but now she'll talk."

Dr Woolfson's key tip "Don't always assume your child is at fault. The change here had to come from the mother - if she changed, the daughter would too. Joan told me, 'I thought we were beyond redemption, but now I know that's not the case.' It's wonderful for a parent to feel like that, and Joan's self-esteem as a mother has increased as a result."

Reprinted from the Herald, 24 April 2006

The problem Sally, 12, had been sleeping on a sofa-bed in her parents' bedroom in their house in Livingston for six months. When her father, David, and mother, Susan, tried to make her sleep in her own room, she became hysterical and the whole family had a poor night's sleep.

The parent doctor's plan "This was a psychologist's dream," says Dr Woolfson. "Thirty years of experience told me I could hit it on the head immediately." He asked David and Susan to explain to Sally that she would no longer be sleeping in their room; to remove the sofa-bed; and to buy Sally a brand new bed of her own, as she had previously been using her brother's old one. They had to make it clear that the new set-up was non-negotiable. If Sally woke up, she would be allowed to keep on her lamp - but under no circumstances could she go to her parents' room. If she did, she would immediately be sent back.

So what happened? "We anticipated it would be very difficult," says David. "Sally knew we were going to see Richard, and why. We saw him on a Wednesday and decided to begin the process on the Saturday, but we were apprehensive about what we were gomg to see." When Saturday came, David bought Sally a new bed and took the sofa-bed to the dump. "There was no going back, and that was the message we gave," he says. They went to bed expecting a night of tears and tantrums. "But, to our amazement, it was fine," says David. "She woke up a few times on the first night but, as Richard suggested, we didn't confront her. We said, 'We understand, and you'll get through it, but you will sleep in your bedroom,' and she seemed to accept that quite readily. By the end of the week it was like there'd never been a problem. She woke up during the night but there were no histrionics. After a few days she put her light on but wouldn't disturb us. We'd been braced for all sorts of things but none of it transpired."

The parent doctor's conclusion "Before, David and Susan thought this was a deep-rooted problem that they would have to confront one day, and they just couldn't face it," says Dr Woolfson. "Four weeks in, Sally would wake up and put her light on, but there was no calling out. "She knew they were coming to see me, so she knew they needed help. They shared the problem. The parents are lovely, and are taking pride in their achievement even if Sally isn't buying me any presents.

What the parents think "I asked Richard why he thought it was as easy as it was," says David. "Perhaps it was simply because Sally knew we were going to see him - and because, when we came back, we told her in a calm manner what would happen. Getting the new bed and getting rid of the sofa-bed reinforced that. Perhaps all these things put the message across. It hasn't been mentioned since. It's as if it never happened. As far as we're concerned, it's in the past It was just part of her growing up."

Dr Woolfson's key tip "It's common for parents to know what they need to do but not feel able to do it. After someone helps them change the situation, their perspective changes. They can't believe they left it so long."